Selasa, 29 Oktober 2013

Let's Start Talking About LOVE! : Datang dan Pergi

Ini adalah puisi, dan sekaligus lirik karena pada akhirnya dijadiin lagu, untuk orang yang ada di postingan sebelumnya, "Letting In and Letting Go".

Ini link ke lagunya. Maaf yah kalo suaranya jelek, liriknya lebay, trus lagunya biasa aja.
Maaf :")

Datang dan Pergi - GACS



Kau datang, di saat ku tak menyadari

Semua, kehadiranmu yang tak kukira

Kan bawa bahagia

Kan bawa gelak tawa

Namun juga air mata

Kau datang , di saat ku tak memerlukan

Apa, yang sungguh ajaib dan tak kukira

Kan bawa senyuman

Kan bawa suka cita

Namun juga duka lara

Ha Ha Ha

Ku telah jatuh cinta

Ha Ha Ha

Ku telah jatuh cinta

Kau pergi, di saat ku terikat oleh

Semua, kebaikanmu yang tak kusangka

Kan berakhir jua

Kan terlupa saja

Dan meninggalkan ku dengan

Sejuta kenangan tentangmu

Ha Ha Ha

Ku telah jatuh cinta

Ha Ha Ha

Denganmu ku jatuh cinta


Always after writing a song, I feel you.
I memorize you.
I freeze you in my mind.
And I keep you alive in my heart.
I rewind every single laughter.
I replay every single smile.
Only to get your touch in any emotion I am in.
Only to get... enough of you.
Although it's impossible.

Let's Start Talking About LOVE! : Letting IN and Letting GO

I'm not trying to make a rhyme as if my title were an antonym one another, but it's about a thing that our heart will always do in our life; a difficult one.

Which is to let in OR let go.

I have someone, who in a very short period, had worked my heart out, so it became really exhausted now, to do such thing like...

Letting in AND letting go.

So selfish, eh?


I was not thinking about anything else except studying and studying.
I was not expecting anything to come color my life on its dark side. It still has a bright side. So.
I was not imagining a story that later will be a daydream, a fantasy in the dream.
I was not, at all, wanting to experience a love that happens at the end of my high school period.

But then he came.
He came and I like how he talks, how he smiles, how he smirks, how he laughs, how he walks, how he smells, and how he becomes himself.
At first, I like him just as a person I like. Similar with the feeling you have for your friends at school, you like them just because they match yourselves.
Yeah, I thought it was just like that. No special affection. Just a friend I like.

After that, I started to feel so comfortable with him.
I asked my friend, "What is your ideal type of man?"
She answered, "No exact type. But hmm.... I think I'm gonna look at their shoes first, to make a first impression."
And I argued, "How could you take it counted? How if they are economically lacking?"
She again said, "I have said before, it's just a first impression. It's not a judgmental thing.
Don't you have one?"
I came to think it over. Yeah, what's my ideal type?
He, unconsciously, became the answer.
"I have," said me, "He must talk like him, smile like him, smirk like him, laugh like him, walk like him, smell like him, and act like him. Everything, like him."
I described him to my friend.
"So, you like him?"
"No, no. Just when someone asks me my ideal type, I will describe him."
I still convinced myself, yeah that's the ideal type. But it didn't necessarily mean I must have a feeling for him right? 
You don't have to always love the ideal type, right?

that at the end came to... approval.

I didn't realize that I was happy back then when I was with him. But now, I throughly know that he is the one I want to be forever happy with.
I didn't realize that it was him that I waited to see everyday. But now, even my eyes are always searching him, at all corners, at all time.
I didn't realize that the one that eases the burden in my heart was him. But now, the one that I look for when I have a storm in my heart is him.
I didn't realize that I started to forget and let go everyone else from the past because of him. But now, for him, I command my heart to let in. Let him in.

my heart works very hard, yet it's a happiness. I'm happy, even when I'm jealous, I know I'm happy. I'm enjoying me and him. That sort of feeling. Very excited when there's no him, but a lot calmed when he's in my eyesight.

I come to a conclusion. 
You, reader, get a conclusion too, right? May you explain yours? Yes, it is. Right.

But... he never knows. He never even gets a clue. He thinks I'm joking. He's the only one who can't guess.
Even you, reader, could grasp what he can't ever understand.

When he started a chat with me, I grew a little hope. What hope? Ah, you must have known. 
Yes, it is. Right.
But it was just a good-manner before he asked me an important thing of his business.
When he made me laugh and I made him laugh back, I thought I potentially made a move. 
But it was just a joke that any other comedian could do.
When he inspirit me and I got really encouraged, I guessed I was the lucky one.
But he did the same with everyone else.
Ah, typical. Typical expectation with the same result for any occasion : A FALSE HOPE.

my heart works very hard again, yet it's still a happiness. It still fulfills my need of him. Even though I must be sincere for any kind of loss feeling when he is not with me. I must realize that he, after all, won't be mine.

And... I think otherwise.
Why should I own him? Why should he see me in the way I see him?
Isn't it good for me to be a best friend of him who's gonna be there in any of his business?
Isn't it acceptable too for me to just be a comedian for him?
Isn't it also nice to get and enjoy any spirit from him?
Isn't it also okay to just be with him even if he doesn't belong to me?
Yeah, it's still preferable. And I agreed to do it.

my heart, you should work harder. You will not get any payback for anything you do for him, you will never.
ugh, be patient, heart. It's hard. Ok, never mind.

NO! I wake myself up. How stupid is it, heart? You do all that hard work but get no salary at all?
Foolish you...

You better move on. You better walk out. You better forget. Yeah, you can.
It may be very hard at first, heart. But then you will release all the burden.

Hahahaha, what a perfect time to let go!
He said he wanted to go too!
But too sad... It's 'go' in the real meaning.
Yeah, he will go to a far and unreachable place.
I should let go.
Totally let go.
Ironically, after he's completely let in.

I have to kick him out of the door which he always can come it and come out anytime.
I need to stop grasping the shadow of him which always forms a true him anywhere I am.
I must stay still when my foots are already trembling, commanding all my muscle to go chase him. Chase him all the way. Reach him. Hold him. Take him with me.


Seeing my heart dying, like crying out loud while whispering in my ears, "What else do you want? You do it yourself. I'm already tired. I have no more energy. I'm out."
I then stopped. It's already finished. What else do I want? Nothing.
Time to let go.
Totally let go.
Gratefully, after my heart didn't die for him to completely be let in.

Thanks heart, for all the hard work.
For doing such dangerous jobs simultaneously.

Hi. A simple hi with a completely complicated and sophisticated bye. Bye.

I see the memories of him in the most beautiful way. But as a rainbow disappears, as sun sets, as flowers withers, they became a view I too frequently saw, so it doesn't charm me anymore. Or at least I assume so.

In such a very short period, he sincerely taught my heart to do such difficult task all together.

Letting in AND letting go.

So generous, eh?

Rabu, 17 Juli 2013

DEBATE : Congratulations, the newly elected President! Miss Zaneta :)

Welcome to the final round of leadership period of Miss Grace.
To open the self-debate, I call upon the speaker, myself.

*prok prok prok*

The first time I was chosen, I thought I would be experiencing hard time afterwards.
But in fact... well yeah I was :(

It's kinda tiring, when the following day, you're going to have a physics test, but that day, you still have a task to do as the commander : to arrange teams up like how many teams from DLC will compete, who will be in that team, and you have just one night to make it up due to registration deadline.
How frustrating it was when the next day, you were just able to answer 15 questions from 25 questions.
And without any doubt, I got 56. from 100.
But I have no-one to blame, as I myself have committed myself to this task, and yet I always hesitated to ask for help.
(I have given a code to someone that implicitly asks for help, but it doesn't work ._.v)

When I do something, I know I have to do the best. But unfortunately, there comes a time when you don't even know what is the point of doing the best alone, by yourself, when it's actually not for yourself but for the whole people. Why should I do my best? I can do just normally right, and if they beg for perfectness, they could do something too so we will give the best together.
But things aren't that easy.

At first, it's hard. But as the time goes by, you'll know the point of doing the best.
Achievements that make yourself proud of your best work.
Trophies come, and so do our pride. It rises.

When teaching newbies later give you 2 trophies, unexpectedly.
When arranging teams later gives them, the team member, affection as a new family one another.
When 2 years learning debate later gives you new sisterhood, new brotherhood, new things that you can always smile at. Even laugh at.

I'm not trying to prove that everything will give a payback. I'm telling you about how hardwork will never remain useless if you see the results from every side.
It's maybe your social life, your sense of leadership, your brand new ideas of life, your name written on indodebaters, or anything else.
For me, it's irreplaceable, unforgettable, and highly valuable.

I will miss how I'm chasing for vice president's of SMAN 1 Tangerang's signature on the paper to hold a practice in a classroom.
I will miss hurrying friends up to gather for a practice.
I will miss collecting the photos, student cards, and everything to register for a competition.
I will miss taking care of dispensation letter, publishing upcoming competitions through bbms sms and tweets.
I will miss discussing with friends and coach about how things should be done, and maybe more that just talking, but debating even about unnecessary things.

However, I have to move on, right? ;)
I'm gonna do other complicated things such as preparing myself to enter my favorite university, study study and study.
But it doesn't mean I'm not gonna do what I've ever done anymore.
You may not move, but the ideas are still there.
I'm not done with you, haha! :p

But in the end,

The bloody crown, but also the happiness gown,
which I'm wearing on,
have to be given to the next generation's leader,
Congratulations, new president of Debating Land Community of SMANITRA, aka DeLaCosta, aka DLC :)
I'm looking forward to DLC's new unbelievable trophies :D

:") --> :D

Thanks for the memories!

Thank you for the self-debate. Let's give a round of applause.

*prok prok*

I hereby close this round.

Kamis, 09 Mei 2013

Let's Start Talking About LIFE! : Apapun yang Tuhan kasih, terima dengan ikhlas.

Naik sidhi, E-Party, dan Retreat.

All these 3 complicated things in a row, and I have to motivate myself not to just...die.

Apapun yang Tuhan kasih, kita harus terima dengan ikhlas, dan Tuhan udah ngasih ketiga event itu untuk saya jalani, dan saya terima.

Tapi kenapa teteeeep aja ada orang-orang egois yang mentingin dirinya sendiri, merasa bahwa ada 1 yang lebih penting daripada yang lain, dan mau hal ituuu aja yang diurusin.

Bahkan kalo badan ini bisa dibagi, saya rela deh. Tapi kan gak bisa, dan saya juga empot-empotan ngelaksanain ketiga hal di atas, saya masih bingung gimana caranya semuanya bisa lancar, saya bukan event organizer profesional yang kerjaannya emang ngurusin event.

Saya juga murid yang punya tugas utama belajar.

Saya seorang anak Tuhan yang punya tugas pelayanan dalam arti melakukan semuanya itu buat Tuhan, bukan buat manusia.

Saya seorang ketua debate yang punya tugas dalam organisasi yang saya pimpin dengan restu Tuhan, karena Tuhan juga bilang kan, ga akan ada tanggung jawab besar buat kita kalo kita ga setia di perkara kecil.

Dan gimana perasaan Anda sih, saat ada orang yang menghakimi Anda dengan bilang Anda mengutamakan pekerjaan duniawi daripada sorgawi?
Gimana perasaan Anda saat ada orang yang dengan gamblangnya bilang bahwa Anda menomorduakan pelayanan apabila Anda menggunakan DP di bbm itu event yang katanya "duniawi", dan sedangkan besoknya itu ya memang event tersebut. Ini kan masalah prioritas berdasarkan urgensi waktu.

Padahal menurut saya, pelayanan itu bukan diliat dari jenis institusinya... institusi rohani juga kalo kita ngelakuinnya motivasinya buat pamor atau duit atau sebagainya, ya bisa dibilang itu bukan pelayanan.
Sebaliknya dengan institusi non-rohani, kalo kita ngelakuin dengan motivasi untuk Tuham, ya itulah pelayanan.

Instead of helping, or at least offering a hand dan ga cuma marah-marah... He chooses to judge.

Tapi sekali lagi. Puji Tuhan, saya tetep diberi kekuatan buat, terima aja kalo ada yang nuduh dan ngejudge. Saya selalu inget nasihat dari seorang Tulang saya yang bicara waktu mandokhata naik sidhi saya (orang batak pasti ngerti) : Apapun yang Tuhan kasih, terima dengan ikhlas.

Sabtu, 05 Januari 2013

Let's Start Talking About LOVE : Baik, Jahat, dan sebuah Ketulusan

Ada kalanya, kita ngerasa, untuk jadi baik, kita harus jadi jahat sementara.

Dan ini sangat membingungkan, terutama masalah waktu. Kapan kita harus tetep baik, kapan kita harus udah mulai jahat supaya pihak lain gak lebih berkorban banyak kebaikan lagi untuk kita... Supaya ia berhenti memberikan, karena kita takut gabisa membalasnya selain dengan rasa terima kasih sedalam dalamnya...

Kadang gw bingung sama pemeran cewek di film Korea, yang ceritanya klasik kayak gini nih :
Ada cowo baik hati, dia berkorban banyak bgt untuk seorang cewe. Tapi cewenya ini deket juga sama seorang cowo yang bertolak belakang sama cowo yang pertama. Cowo yang kedua ini bad boy. Tapi ketika ni cowo udah jatuh cinta sama seseorang, segalanya berbalik 180 derajat.

Dan cewe ini, justru demennya sama cowo yg kedua. The way he increases this girl's curiosity makes her fall in a deep love.

Padahal cowo yang pertama itu kurang baik apalagi coba. Kadang gue heran bgt sama alur cerita yang kayak begitu.

Realistis gak sih, lo gabisa suka sama orang yang luar biasa baiiiiik sama lo?

Tapi, lo emang gak akan pernah ngerti sebelum lo ngalamin sendiri.

Perasaan ga mungkin bisa disetir, apalagi diboongin.
Lebih sakit ngebantah perasaan daripada ngebantah sebuah logika.
Apalagi kalo perasaan itu perasaan lo sendiri.

Loving someone will make you happy, no matter what.
Yang bikin siapapun kecewa adalah ekspektasi akan balasan.
Yang bikin siapapun kecewa bukanlah cinta itu sendiri.

Karena mencintai dengan tulus itu bakalan bikin bahagia =')

Sekali lagi, siapapun ga akan pernah ngerti kalo ga ngalamin sendiri.

Dan gw bisa nulis di sini, artinya gue udah ngerti, setiap kata-kata yang gw tulis di sini.

Bahkan saat gw ngeliat lagi satu album lagu ama puisi yg udah gw tulis dulu, cuman ada rasa bahagia tuh. Ga ada rasa nyesel sama sekali.
Gw bersyukur karna itu berarti I've ever loved someone sincerely.

Dan bagi gw, that one, for whom I write songs and poems, itu gak jahat.
Dan gw, who write songs and poems, juga gak baik.

Cowo pertama, yang ngorbanin segalanya buat si cewe, itu gak bisa dibilang baik.
Dan si cewe, yang gabisa ngebales si cowo pertama dan malah sama cowo kedua juga gabisa dibilang jahat.
Si cewe ga perlu takut merasa jahat saat dia nerima perbuatan yang rasanya adalah sebuah kebaikan, padahal... seharusnya itu bukan kebaikan
Si cewe cuma sanggup bilang terima kasih, pada akhirnya.

Jadi, gini kesimpulan dari segala kebingungan kita akan plot film korea yang terkesan unrealistic tapi justru paling realistic.

Saat lu diem aja karna lo ga cinta, itu ga jahat.
Tapi saat lo melakukan sesuatu karna lo cinta, itu bukan berarti lo baik.

Jangan terima kalo gabisa memberi =)
Tapi tetaplah memberi kalopun gabisa nerima balik =''''')
Gitu gak sih prinsip cinta? ceilah anak bau kencur udah maen cinta cintaan.

Nulis gini, gw baru inget, iya juga ya, it doesn't hurt loh waktu gw memberi. sampe sekarang.
it hurt a little waktu gw ga nerima balik, ya tapi salah gw sendiri yang udah memutuskan untuk memberi.

Gada yang namanya baik atau jahat di cinta. Yang ada cuma : tulus atau engga?
Saat lu tulus...waktu lu memberi, lu ga ngerasa baik dan ga ngerasa si penerima itu jahat kalo dia ga ngebales.

Yap, betul banget.

Jumat, 04 Januari 2013

Let's Start Talking About LOVE : Greetings

That Christmas greeting I will wait forever to get.
Or that Christmas greeting I wont have to wait to get anymore, karena udah pasti ga bakal ada.

That Birthday greeting I will wait forever to get.
Or that Birthday greeting I wont have to wait to get anymore, karena udah pasti ga bakal diucapin.

While writing this, I think of 2 persons.

Yang satu, udah ada di surga.
Yang satu lagi, masih ada di dunia, tapi berasa udah hilang gatau kemana.

This one keeps coming to my head whenever I have a special moment I'd like to receive a greeting from him. This one keeps disturbing my mind while I check any of this one's account, and there isnt any message for me. This one keeps disturbing my memory in which he stays. This one keeps disturbing my ears for the voice this one had, saying one or two words that I also always remember.
This one keeps disturbing my mouth to pout that he disappears. This one keeps disturbing my hands to type or write anything related to him, just like what I'm doing now. And this one keeps disturbing my heart, for a reason that everyone surely knows.

This one doesn't totally disappear.
This one is still there. But doesn't realize where I'm standing. Doesn't look at where I'm waving.
Doesn't care about what had happened, what is happening, and what will happen involving me.

I'm not pitiful. I'm just feeling sorry for my self. Why does everyone say I'm that clever... While in fact, I'm that foolish.

I don't wait anymore. I just keep in my heart, things that's supposed to be kept in my heart.

Lalu ada tahap di mana gue menyesali ketidakmaksimalan gue while this one realizes myself.
Why didn't I capture any of this one's greeting? Why didn't I show that I miss this one more than this one maybe misses me?

DUAAAAR! Jadi melankolis gini. maklum udah kelas 2 SMA.
Ini kedua kalinya gw galau masalah cowo loh *catet*

and thanks to this blog, as a virtual diary, which is truly functioning as a diary.


To get myself updated : on my birthday this year, January 4th, 2014, I still do not get that greeting I'm waiting for. Well I'm going to wait and not wish him a happy birthday until I totally moved on from him, and finally I don't wait anymore so am going to wish him a veeery happy birthday :D